New to OPS? Read our Introductory Series to OPS from the start.

How to Let Go

A Yogi and a Businessman

Michael Alan Singer has achieved a level of success that most people can only dream of. He’s the founder of a medical software company that was bought by WebMD in a $5 billion acquisition.

He’s also a best-selling author of several books on spirituality, a yogi and founder of a temple, and a former college teacher. Michael is a loving husband, father, and grandfather.

But what if I told you he never planned any of this?

Yes, he surely worked a lot throughout his life. A billion-dollar company obviously doesn’t build itself. He’s been far away from anything anyone would call lazy, but he never hustled or forced what he did.

Building a big, industry-transforming company wasn’t his dream. Founding and running a temple wasn’t his dream. Writing bestsellers wasn’t his dream.

Michael never chased those dreams. Instead, they found him.

It kinda happened by accident. He simply got out of his own way and allowed a rich, full life to find him. But how?

(Un)conditional Happiness

Most people desire some form of external success. For many, that means a stable job, a nice house, and a loving family. Others dream of becoming millionaires, famous actors, or best-selling novelists.

Having these goals isn't inherently problematic, as long as we don't make them into necessary conditions for happiness. This mindset sets a trap that ensures ongoing misery until our desire is fulfilled—if it ever is.

Initially, the pursuit of a goal brings excitement and purpose. However, as time passes and obstacles block our path, the enthusiasm often turns into frustration and anxiety. Even when we achieve our goal—be it landing a dream job, finding true love, or winning a prestigious award—the happy feelings are fleeting. The euphoria quickly dissipates, replaced by a hollow feeling and a new set of desires.

The danger here is twofold. Firstly, there's the very real possibility of never reaching the lofty goal we set for ourselves. And secondly, even if we do, the 'happy feelings' are transient and impermanent, since happiness derived from external circumstances is inherently unstable. It's easily disrupted by factors beyond our control.

The root cause of our perpetual frustrations and anxieties isn't life itself. It's the mind's constant commotion, its incessant demands and conditions for happiness. It's the false narrative that says, "I'll be happy when..." It keeps us in a state of constant dissatisfaction, never allowing us to find peace in the present.

True happiness cannot be achieved from the outside in because we can never perfectly control external factors at all times. Life always unfolds in ways we least expect—regardless of whether we like it or not. The only real control we have is over our internal state.

Michael Singer led his life according to this truth. He understood that the path to genuine happiness is walked from the inside out. It's a decision to be happy regardless of external circumstances, a practice of surrendering to life's flow and letting go of the mind's demands.

Surrender to the Flow

Michael Singer titled his autobiography The Surrender Experiment because that's what he set out to do: surrendering to the flow of life.

After becoming aware of his neurotic mind, he decided to stop letting it dictate conditions for when to be happy or not be happy. He realised he couldn’t "beat" his restless mind using the mind itself; that would only lead to another neurosis.

Instead, he chose to surrender his thoughts and feelings and opinions and expectations to a higher power that he couldn’t control: life itself.

Whatever life threw at him, he would use it to let go of his preconceptions of how he thought life was supposed to be, and accepted it fully, just as it is.

The key insight and starting point of Michael’s journey was this: you are not the voice inside your head.

Who are you? You are the observer listening to the voice inside your head. If you're the one listening, then you and the voice cannot be one and the same. This is the most crucial insight for personal growth; everything else follows from there.

You are not your thoughts and you are not your feelings. You are the one who experiences having thoughts and feelings, just as you experience seeing, hearing, and smelling the outside world.

You are the observer, aware of both external and internal events competing for your attention. Unfortunately, it’s too easy to get distracted by all that noise and lose yourself in it.

The question ‘Who are you?’ will lead you to your true Self and growth from the inside out. It will allow you to cut through the noise and focus on what’s real. The more you stay centred in your sense of awareness, the better you can surrender to the flow of life and let go of what’s blocking your happiness.

Whenever you get hit, whenever you feel unhappy, sad, angry, miserable, or frightened, life offers you a choice: you can either go up or go down.

Will you identify with the pain and lose your centre, or will you remain aware that the pain is merely a signal?

If you lose yourself in the pain, it will be worse next time. You’ll create or solidify a story that you shouldn’t be in such a situation. "This is unfair," "I don’t like this," "that’s not how life is supposed to be."

Who are you to decide how life is supposed to be? While holding on to your story, you’ll try to avoid similar circumstances, becoming more anxious and scared, retreating deeper into a prison you built for yourself.

Or you can remain seated in your centre of awareness, knowing that you are the one who sees. You can realise that your issue isn’t life or the pain you feel, but your expectations of life.

Life is not the problem; you are the problem!

You can identify the false story inside yourself that limits your expression and participation in life. You can accept the pain, even be grateful for the lesson, and rewrite your inner story.

Embrace the Cold

Letting go works like taking a cold shower. Allow me over-explain this analogy.

The cold is without a doubt actually physically dangerous for you. If you’re too cold for too long, you will die.

To protect yourself and save your life, you want an automatic system that warns you of the cold. You want to be uncomfortable in dangerous situations, so you know instinctively to get the hell out of there. Discomfort, pain, and fear are useful tools; they are good for you.

Within the context of a voluntary cold shower, you’re not in any real physical danger, though. Intellectually, you know that. But that makes no fucking difference to your body. Shock and fear still arise, once you turn the tap from red to blue.

However, you can override that fear reaction. Even in a moment of physical shock, you can lean back into your observing Self and relax with the understanding that you are not in any real danger. When the cold hits, you start gasping for air, but you can slow down your breath to a calmer pace. Even though your body tenses up initially, you can still relax.

The best thing about it: You can get better at this over time.

The same principle applies more broadly. We owe our lives to pain and fear. However, in a modern context, we are overly sensitive to many of our fears. We structure our lives to avoid them like the plague, although they pose no critical threat: public speaking, asking out your crush, moving to a different country.

It’s important to intellectually understand that first. But then, we need to practice to mentally and physically deal with the chemicals raging through our bodies. The general fear reaction won’t disappear—we need it, after all—but we will become less sensitive to it, less restricted in our actions, and far less restricted in our enjoyment of life.

We want to let go of our false preconceptions about life. Fear, pain, and other negative emotions are our doorway to letting go.

When the fear hits, you first become aware of it without identifying with the feeling. You understand it’s a thing inside of you, which is impermanent. It will go away if you let it.

Then you internally lean away from the feeling and don’t lose your centre. You hold on to the awareness that you're not fear itself, but the one who’s experiencing the fear. From this position, you decide to relax and feel good regardless of the situation you're in. You experience the fear fully and accept it without numbing it, until it is gone.

As soon as you’re ready, you deal with the situation at hand from a place of peace. If you're centred in the Self, you will know what to do.

Michael Singer’s mind got annoyed when people joined him in his solitude in the woods of Florida. It didn’t want him to start his first company, Built with Love, or his medical software company either. It definitely didn’t enjoy being indicted by the US government for fraud he hadn’t committed. Michael’s mind was complaining and raging all along the way.

However, he didn’t let that stop him. He remained aware and let his resistance pass. He embraced whatever life threw at him, and served it to the best of his abilities.

Michael Singer's book The Untethered Soul is the best and clearest step-by-step manual on letting go I've seen. If you want to emerge yourself deeper in this topic, continue there.

Watch our videos on YouTube.